The Meaning of J

 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011)   Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked  (2011) is the bottom of the barrel as kids' movies can go. A laugh-free, painful experience with no redeeming qualities to speak. It appeals only to kids who can't say no to crap or don't have any basic thinking skills to acknowledge crap when they see it. It pains me to know this movie was an immense success at the box office while at the same time being one of those kids who watched the film. I pity the parents dragged to the theaters by their kids, forced to watch this movie to please them. (I hope the sacrifice was worth it.)    Revisiting the  Alvin and the Chipmunks  film series is something of a difficult task. Not that it's hard to judge a dreadful series of kid's movies, but to watch them again and relive the unknown cringe that came with it. But we cannot just jump into this film right away; we have to look back at the origins of this series and why this movi...

 Pieces (1982) Artwork by Joshua Kelly      Pieces  (1982)   is exactly what you think it is, a hyperviolent Giallo-style slasher film with moments of absurdity and sleazy vibes to complement its trashy quality. It's a film so-bad-it's-good, full of subpar acting, atrocious dubbing, and scenes that have nothing to do with the plot and only serve to pad the film's runtime. It's the movie equivalent of junk food; it's not high-quality stuff, but it's delicious to eat regardless. It's the definition of a guilty pleasure, giving us a good time in exchange for a few laughs, even if the film itself isn't a good movie. Nevertheless, it lives up to the promise of its tagline as a slasher film full of blood, breasts, and sleaze.  "Well?" "It stinks!"   Pieces  (1982) is a slasher film set in Boston where co-eds of a college are stalked by a killer who aims to create a jigsaw puzzle out of their body parts. In a co-production between Spain, th...

 Sputnik (2020)   Horror movies are such a derivative medium nowadays. We get a truckload of horror films each year that offer little to no originality whatsoever. These movies try to grab a familiar premise and add a few things to distinguish themselves but come off as derivative, predictable, and just downright unoriginal. However, along comes a film that takes a familiar concept and elements to rework them into a different movie. This film succeeds at putting its spin and turns out to be surprisingly good, with enough differences to avoid falling into the pitfalls of clichés, and stands out on its own to be its own thing.     Sputnik is one of the best horror films I have seen this year, perhaps the best one I've seen since Leigh Whannell's excellent reimagining of The Invisible Man . I give such a bold statement because I believe the horror season of 2020 so far has been an embarrassment. The offerings I've seen so far have been downright insulting, ranging ...

 Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)      Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)  is the worst movie I have ever seen in my 19 years as a film fanatic; it's $27.93 I will never get back. This movie has successfully dethroned  The Grudge  (2020) as the worst horror movie I have ever seen in my life.  John Boorman created an absolute mess of a movie that didn't need a sequel. It mixes an incomprehensible plot with insane visuals, laughably bad "special" effects, and phoned-in acting performances. It's a gigantic middle finger to the original film in every way imaginable. It fails to find a reason to justify its existence.        Before I continue giving this film the critical beatdown it needs, let us rewind and learn how this baffling sequel came into existence. It was 1973, and a little-known film called  The Exorcist  has released in American theaters to the unsuspecting public. The story of a girl possessed by a demonic spirit...